


Judgement Chain - Phinks' Take On The Matter

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Chrollo has a Big Bed, M/M, SHOUTOUT TO MY HOMEBOY 5-CHAINZ AKA LI'L PIKA, salsa - Freeform, the truth, turn down for what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 16:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4753745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phinks' little theory on why Paku had to die, and why Chrollo temporarily lost his Nen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Judgement Chain - Phinks' Take On The Matter

One lovely day - no, one GLOOMY day, because this is the Phantom Troupe - the Spider's lair was rather... quiet. Of course it was still a major shithole, but Chrollo at least stepped up his game. 

He stole a refrigerator from the local trusty Sears as well as a bunch of television sets. The televisions were each 85 inches long (diagonally) and the fridge had Snickers Ice Cream in it. There were also furniture item like rugs (made of cat fur), sofas, and futons. 

The only problem was that only Chrollo had a bed. They would have to play King of the Hill to kick Chrollo out of his bed, and that made Chrollo sad sometimes. His bed was Californian King sized and it was really big. Only Feitan could fit in it, though.

So Feitan and Phinks were watching TV. On the TV set was the dreaded show Barney & Friends.

Feitan always wondered why the kids on the show never bothered killing Barney, or why Barney never bothered eating the kids. He was a dinosaur, right? 

Or... Perhaps dinosaurs diets did not consist of teeny humans? Feitan wanted to know the answer. He needed a scientific explanation.

....Buuuuuuuut... He was too busy doing his nails. They were being painted black, because he's goffick.

Suddenly, he asks Phinks, "Why the moon?"

Phinks answered, "Incubated test tube babies."

Feitan nodded in response as if he understood. In truth, he did, because Phinks never made any fucking sense.

After five minutes of silence and more cheesy Barney songs, Feitan decides to ask something again.

"Why Paku dieded?" He was finished painting his nails.

Phinks remained silent. 

Oh no, Feitan thought, is he going senile again? fucking douche canoe. He then started painting his toenails red, for blood.

"d00d," Feitan urged once more, "Y my salsa cold?"

Then Phinks stood up. He had been sitting in a pile of trash the whole time. Unlike Feitan, he didn't own a futon.

"Dude," he said, "I finally figured it out."

Feitan say, "Niqqa wut?"

"On why Paku is dead, on why Chrollo lost his Nen for some time, and yes - on why your salsa is cold, too."

Feitan entwined his hands. "Well? Proceed."

"U kno that dude's chain thing, CurryPicker or whatever his name was?" Phinks asked.

"No."

"Ok." Phinks realized the situation.

Since Feitan didn't understand, he went into the emo corner. He kicked the TV down in the process and Barney & Friends decided to Turn Down For What.

Feitan was still painting his toenails.

After he was done, he walked into the emo corner. 

"Bro. I'm sorry. I think I know who you're talking about now." he spoke, "You're talking about that creature from the show where Ashton Kutcher is the main character, right??? Gotta catch 'em all?"

Phinks facepalmed. "Feitan, what the FUCK!"

Feitan replied, "wut?"

"That's Peekerchew from Pocket Man." 

Feitan was sad. He hated being wrong. In his world, he was always right.

"then who u mean???" he asks aggressively.

"u know, 5-CHAINZ AKA Li'l Pika."

"OOOOOOH" Feitan finally realized it. Who Phinks was referring to. "Ohhh yeah that guy. He's the reason my salsa cold?"

"No.... Actually.... MAYBE!" Phinks answered.

Feitan sighed. He knew what this meant. This always happened - this shit ALWAYS happened. If it wasn't once a week, it was five times a day. Phinks would just ramble on and on about shit that doesn't make sense. Why?

Because he's PHINKS!!

"Alright, spit it out...." Feitan said emo-ly. His face looked like this ---> (//_v)

Phinks stared at the wall for a good seven minutes. There was a big hole in it.

Finally, he spoke, "It all makes sense now. Yes, yes. I'm just - so glad that I-"

"JUST FUCKING SPIT IT OUT!!" Feitan yelled. Honestly, he had better things to do. Like getting back to reading Fifty Shades Darker.

"The reason why Paku is dead, and why Chrollo temporarily lost his Nen is because of the Judgement Chain."

Feitan rolled his eyes. "Wat the FUCK! Every1 KNEW THAT!"

Phinks shook his head, "But do you know why they had to suffer that fate?"

"idk maybe?"

"No, you don't."

"fuck you finks."

"Anyway," Phinks cleared his throat, "The reason why they had to suffer that fate is because they both weren't wearing proper clothing."

"WAT!!"

Biggest plot twist EVER!!!

Phinks continued, "If you notice - or noticed, Paku's chest was exposed all the time."

"Annd?" Feitan was so interested in this!

"Chrollo doesn't wear a shirt sometimes, so his chest is exposed, too."

"aannnddd...???"

"That d00d, Li'l Pee-pee, he could easily stab them with his chain because of that. They were exposing too much skin. Had Paku wore an actual fucking shirt, and Chrollo not been trying to attract fucking 14-year old fangirls, they would have been able to avoid being stabbed by it. Yes, they needed clothes. The clothes would have protected them. Yes. Bien."

"Bien." Feitan repeated. It reminded him of his salsa.

"So why my salsa cold?"

"Eh i don't fucking know."

And thus another GLOOMY day ended in the lair of the Spiders - the Phantom Troupe's nest.

...  
...  
...  
...  
...  
...

"TURN DOWN 4 WHAT" Barney screamed.  
. . . . 

the end


End file.
